Tuesday, September 30, 2014

Remembering Loved Ones

 For many, Facebook has become a highly accessible platform for memorials and tributes for grieving, which brings me to the fact that I'm facing an anniversary soon.   Every year I post a loving Tribute for my daughter, Chantelle and at times I have been made aware from a select few that they do not get the whole tribute thing, especially after many years have past.  For me it is ultimately my chosen catharsis, a way to keep my daughters memory safe guarded.  I made a promise to my daughter to not ever forget....Don't forget me when I'm gone....
I have observed that Facebook appears to be a natural way for people to work through grief over the loss of a loved one. For others, reminders on social media of a loved one's death can be more painful than helpful. 
So what is the answer? 
Many people have learned that their friends and family have very different ideas of what constitutes "normal" grieving" — especially when someone takes his or her grief public on social networks
Social media etiquette surrounding death is a delicate and highly individual concept.  What one person views as a loving tribute could translate as incredibly poor taste or downright offensive to others. 
I personally feel criticisms and misunderstanding arise when a memorial is misinterpreted. I know for me when posting a tribute it has been seen as me not moving on or that I'm not doing well or the unforgivable statement..."she never got over the death of her daughter"...ugh!  Well here's a news flash,  we don't ever get over it...but we do eventually accept it. But that doesn't automatically translate to never mentioning our loved again, whether it be be in passing or as a memorial on Facebook.  By doing so doesn't mean that we're wallowing in the past...it means that we loved deeply and that wonderful loving memories are realized through these tributes. This is what I know for sure ...if posting my tributes for my daughter Chantelle, doesn't upset me, I shouldn't have to console others who look on from a distance...because it makes them uncomfortable...Perhaps it evokes the realization of their own mortality or pain that hasn't been resolved in their own life.  Death is apart of life...period.
Memorializing  Profiles....
I believe that social media can actually ease the process for some. "Being able to access the lost one's profile after death is beneficial.  It allows a connection to others who loved him or her, a source of memories and humor to share and an opportunity to say 'goodbye' or 'I'm missing you' in a way that can soften the blow and move the healing process along.  
I understand how difficult it can be for people to be reminded of those who are no longer with them, which is why it's a slippery slope when posting heartfelt tributes.
But should it be? After all pain is apart of the healing process.
Facebook very much helped in my time of grieving by making it so easy to connect with family and friends.  In some cases created lasting bonds with sharing mine and others grief. I still visit my cousins memorialized profile to remember things we shared and to peruse her photos and posts.
Grief varies wildly for each individual, and that it usually doesn't progress orderly, like steps in a staircase. 
As time passes, the sting of losing someone you care about also fades but it never goes away.  Grieving is for the most part a solo journey and if by posting a poem or prose in the form of a tribute helps that process then I think a certain amount of respect should be offered to these individuals  who are brave enough to do so.




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