There was bright sky's this afternoon as my husband and I walked along the river and through our beautiful park. The crows caw overhead, spurring on the change of season, just as I am trying to change my routine to hopefully change my mood.
Many who know me may not realize the struggle I have had with depression my entire life. I’ve become quite a little actress, it seems. Just when I think that I am making strives, I seem to stumble, having to battle my way back once again. I often times wrestle with melancholy, which seems to be close to the surface.
What I'm finding helpful is to become more cognizance of my thoughts, meditating to remain conscious and aware. I remind myself to try to stay in the present and to release any expectations so I may purge this enemy for good. I know my tears fall from a place of love, so I must hold tight to that love and let it stay to comfort my soul. I must try thinking differently, knowing that my mind clutter is just a record of all that I have experienced and that releasing what once was is all right and as it should be.
Depression is difficult to understand, especially for those looking in from the outside. It's taxing to try and make sense of it all. So I am resolved to accept my on again off again melancholy as a part of who I am; that sadness is somehow a vital part of my journey. You cannot live through such losses without an undercurrent of sadness remaining.
Today's walk in the park opened my eyes to this as an amazing epiphany, as a sudden intuitive leap of understanding.
A walk out in nature helped me realize that each tomorrow is a new beginning just waiting for me to grab hold and start anew.
Photos by Helena
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
~ Marianne Williamson
it is a new beginning and i am glad you took us with you on that walk...i appreciate your daily struggle in this area...and offer you my best wishes in your continued walk...
ReplyDeleteOh Helena, thank you for sharing your journey with us. I wish for you all the happiness in the world. Your outlook is so inspiring and heartfelt. I feel the vibration of strength from you all the time. Depression is a strange thing, I have experienced it some myself. You're up and down. I am here for you my dear friend when you need me. Blessings and Hugs, Susie
ReplyDeleteThank you ~ ღ ஆεlεɳa
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ReplyDeleteI do a simple spiritual exercise when I need upliftment. I sing the word HU which is an ancient name for God (pronounced like the man's name Hugh). It carries a very special vibration and has been known to bring comfort to those who use it. You can just find a quiet place somewhere and try it if you like for a few minutes.
ReplyDeleteI see you peeking out from a tree...
ReplyDeleteI'm finding with age, depression wants to try and creep in on me. But what you said about being in the present made my heart shout "YES!!"
When I find myself sad it's usually from worrying about what could happen, fearing a sad or negative outcome. But lately when I feel the blues coming on I do exactly as you say -- put myself here and now, with loving intentions and thoughts. It really hauls me back to a better place.
There is always peace to be had in every moment if we focus on the now.
I am SO glad you wrote this. Friends can really help each other so much, just by listening. And hearing we are not alone in our depressed moods does a soul good.
xo