There was bright sky's this afternoon as my husband and I walked along the river and through our beautiful park. The crows caw overhead, spurring on the change of season, just as I am trying to change my routine to hopefully change my mood.
Many who know me may not realize the struggle I have had with depression my entire life. I’ve become quite a little actress, it seems. Just when I think that I am making strives, I seem to stumble, having to battle my way back once again. I often times wrestle with melancholy, which seems to be close to the surface.
What I'm finding helpful is to become more cognizance of my thoughts, meditating to remain conscious and aware. I remind myself to try to stay in the present and to release any expectations so I may purge this enemy for good. I know my tears fall from a place of love, so I must hold tight to that love and let it stay to comfort my soul. I must try thinking differently, knowing that my mind clutter is just a record of all that I have experienced and that releasing what once was is all right and as it should be.
Depression is difficult to understand, especially for those looking in from the outside. It's taxing to try and make sense of it all. So I am resolved to accept my on again off again melancholy as a part of who I am; that sadness is somehow a vital part of my journey. You cannot live through such losses without an undercurrent of sadness remaining.
Today's walk in the park opened my eyes to this as an amazing epiphany, as a sudden intuitive leap of understanding.
A walk out in nature helped me realize that each tomorrow is a new beginning just waiting for me to grab hold and start anew.
Photos by Helena