I have chosen to share this prose to demonstrate how writing allows me to process my grief. I am currently revisiting that time and writing my personal account of healing through loss, in the hopes that by doing so, it may show others how writing can be a doorway to get to the other side of healing a pain that one thinks will never heal.
As I stare at my reflection,
I see a stranger
Sorrow has eaten me away,
revealing a wraith-like shadow me,
with coal-stained eyes deprived of sleep,
a distressed washed-out,
tear- stained complexion,
a withered sickly grossness that has
wrenched me through the looking glass of raw pain,
where I have vanished inside my own grief.
Feeling alone and fighting to stay present against the
bottomless black pit of despair,
has used up all of my resolve
My strength of will has no reserves
I am a mere imitation of my former self,
an impostor,
almost certainly
unrecognizable by my friends and family
Will this torment ever end?
Postscript
I have emptied my soul and allowed myself to
return to the dark pit of grief , temporarily...
I want you to know I am fine,
now that the tears have stopped.
The words just poured out....
explaining the raw numbing pain of loss....
This is how I felt in the first several
months after my daughters funeral...
perhaps years after.
Please know that I do continue to feel deep loss, yet the love that I have for Lacy (Chantelle) remains. However, the emotional pain is filtered and softened the more that I write and share my story.
Helena
((helena)) raw & real...and understandable..i am glad you are ok and can not imagine the pain...prayers...
ReplyDeleteOh my Dear Helena .. as someone who has a lost a child I can so relate to this .. You expressed the type of raw indescribably excruciating pain that never leaves forever changed .. the 'before' you and the 'after' .. indeed difficult to recall the 'you' from before .. honoured and priviledged to share in some of your heart Helena ..and can only hope that these wrting helps in a little release .. no platitudes because I know they don't help or ease at all ..but others that have suffered the same (child loss) although may not share or know your own unique pain and experience .. can walk alongside .. heartfelt warm hugs dear friend ~ Lib x
ReplyDeletethankyou for visiting Helena and your lovely comments ~ kindred hearts indeed ~ yes you are so right ~ writing and the artistic expression does help on the journey through grief ~ several years on for me ~ but as a parent it is a pain you don't want to lose ~ as you don't ever want to lose them ~ think in your words expressed how helpful writing can be that beautifully ~ libithina@yahoo.co.uk ~ I review for UK Compassionate friends have you heard of these Helena ~ international organisation for parents who have shared similar loss ~ much love Lib x
ReplyDeleteAll my best wishes to you, Helena.
ReplyDeleteThis certainly delineates the darkest stage of grief but as you now know there is a stairway out of the darkness. Sometimes it takes a lot of courage to feel your way through that dark tomb to find it, but it leads to the light where your loved one has already gone. Life is short no matter how long one lives and the sooner you get back to living (and writing) the better the quality of it is for you. Wishing you joy in the light of your life ahead. Gay
ReplyDeletetears...and prayers...can not even imagine the pain you're going through but so good that you can write your heart and grief into words..
ReplyDeleteHelena, my heart hurts for you and the pain you have endured, but you are doing what helps and that is the most important thing. I admire you to no end. Blessings, Susie
ReplyDelete